The Official Bank of America–WikiLeaks Checklist™
It is rumored that WikiLeaks’ next target will be none other than Bank of America. To prepare for the potential deluge of incriminating information, top executives at the largest U.S. bank are now in the process of “scouring thousands of documents in the event that they become public, reviewing every case where a computer has gone missing and hunting for any sign that its systems might have been compromised,” according to The New York Times’s Nelson Schwartz. It is with that in mind that we encourage acolytes of Julian Assange and detractors of capitalism alike to prepare themselves in a similar manner. When the leaked documents hit the Web, it will take only a few hours until the juiciest bits are flung on the home page of the Huffington Post. Use VF Daily’s Official Bank of America–WikiLeaks Checklist™ to ensure that you locate the most revealing documents first. After all, information, like four-bedroom stucco mini-mansions in the Arizona desert, is worthless if omnipresent. [ ] E-mail from one top executive to another that includes derisive nickname for shareholders. (+150)
[ ] E-mail from one top executive to another that includes derisive nickname for former Treasury secretary Hank Paulson. (+0.5)
[ ] Mention of Countrywide’s predatory lending practices. (+1,000)
[ ] Document that expresses reservations about acquisition of Merrill Lynch. (+1)
[ ] Use of phrase “fuck no” in context of potential acquisition of Lehman Brothers. (+2)
[ ] Memo containing suggestions more caustic than “Bank of American Home Loans” for Countrywide Financial’s new name. (+500)
[ ] Document authored by former C.E.O. Ken Lewis that expresses reservations about acquisition of Merrill Lynch. (+2)
[ ] Sad emoticon within e-mail about foreclosures. (+100)
[ ] Winking emoticon within e-mail about foreclosures. (+5)
[ ] Snobby use of italics from Merrill Lynch executive in description Bank of America as a “commercial bank.” (+5)
[ ] E-mail from one top executive to another that includes derisive nickname for former Treasury secretary Hank Paulson. (+0.5)
[ ] Mention of Countrywide’s predatory lending practices. (+1,000)
[ ] Document that expresses reservations about acquisition of Merrill Lynch. (+1)
[ ] Use of phrase “fuck no” in context of potential acquisition of Lehman Brothers. (+2)
[ ] Memo containing suggestions more caustic than “Bank of American Home Loans” for Countrywide Financial’s new name. (+500)
[ ] Document authored by former C.E.O. Ken Lewis that expresses reservations about acquisition of Merrill Lynch. (+2)
[ ] Sad emoticon within e-mail about foreclosures. (+100)
[ ] Winking emoticon within e-mail about foreclosures. (+5)
[ ] Snobby use of italics from Merrill Lynch executive in description Bank of America as a “commercial bank.” (+5)
